the pages keep turning,

im doing handstands in my room while no ones watching me
somedays dirty underwear get the best of me
other days i think of my highschool crush's eyelids
and tonight how heavy they might be
tomorrow i really need to do some laundry

i was born an athiest but want to be a jew
born a human but humanity got the best of you
so ill give you a kiss if you'll just go away
and promise never to call me the next day
i was born a human but what's that anyways

i think if tonight i even fall asleep
i am going to put the pillow at my feet
at this point i think that they really need the support
cos my bodies beaten them and not paid the fees
besides what has my neck ever done for me

its already july and where is my summer fling?
last i heard he is stuck somewhere between
his past relationships and the downtown streets
i get that, who wants a summer fling in any case
instead maybe ill just take up eating kosher meats

cos i was born an athiest but want to be a jew
born a human but humanity got the best of you
so ill give you a kiss if you'll just go away
and promise never to call me the next day
i was born a human but what's that anyways

next week i am going to leave the states
i'm going to swim with whales and give up cigarettes
when i come back i won't be in love with anybody
i still wont be jewish and i can guarantee
my floor will still be covered in dirty laundry.

ive gone friends and freaks alike, only. sorry my plums.

Lars and the Real Girl was the best movie i have seen in a long while..

im 20.

im running on caffiene pills, cigarettes, and no food.



I HATE COLLEGE.
AND J.T. ZEALY
AND TSOU CHAONG.

today was a brilliant one. janice (with her new blaine, and friend joe [strummer]) and i went to the hardly strictly bluegrass festival and brought the most delicious picnic of brie and baguette and raspberries and olives, lavender chocolate and pita chips with hummus. we had chadonnay and sangria and we lived like kings and queens for a day..

then janice and i skipped through all of the park running and spinning and being so free. even the dogs on leashes were jealous. we got home completely beat and after a communal naptime, judah boyz arrived in their underware with their french guests, Tristan et Felix. They are, well amazingly french. Tristan looks almost completely like jason schwartzman, and he is definitely the comic. Felix was tall, dark and handsome, and quite the mystery.

spontaneous and beautiful is my life. another epic end to another epic day. how do you say?

..fin.

last night was full of missed connections, as in when i logged onto craigslist today i half expected to have a page full of my own. Most not even of the romantic type. Like Janelle, the seemingly scene girl drinking whiskey on the muni who wants to cut my hair, or the british guy, the swedish guy, and evan... all of whom were quite charming and entertaining as we waited for the 22 Fillmore. Then on the bus there was the entire clan of Girl talk goers dressed in white jumpsuits who we joined in on backstreet boys sing alongs with... including nathan with the same sunglasses as myself. Waiting outside of the fillmore to find tickets to the show, i met the second most beautiful indian boy ive ever seen.... and certainly the nicest. Then there was Robyn at the Orbit Room, shes going to take me camping for my first time, and finally Donovan on the ride home whom we shared stories of our first kisses and played truth or dare with. "was it beautiful? at least it was beautiful.."

good night everyone, i'll never see you again, but im sure i'll think of you. and maybe you will think of me too.

what we had dont mean a thing
what we had is already gone
oh ooooh oh oh oh

i dont think anyone can understand the strain my body is under right now. i have been in the darkroom since 7 oclock this morning after going to bed at 3 for no reason. my body feels like god took a crap on it. literally, i cant move. id write more, but i cant think..

it smells so brilliant all around me i cant even take it. like christmas parties and beer and laundry... i keep forgetting where i am. i loveth life.

I HATE EVERYBODY.



and i saw the lead singer from the academy is on haight street today. he is a looker.

handsome furs show: most beautiful blur there ever was.



it sucks now when there is nothing to look forward to... it also sucks cos im dying on this couch and i have class in two hours... boo.

When you told me
You didn't need me anymore,
Well, you know, I nearly
Broke down and died.

Oh, darling.
If you leave me,
I'll never make it alone.
Believe me when I tell you,
I'll never do you no harm.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)

You might truly believe that your life would be easier if your emotional reactions weren't so intense, but this isn't necessarily true. The depth of your passions is one of your greatest strengths. You are, however, receiving new information from your subconscious mind now that can help to transform your perspective about current situation. Don't resist this flow of awareness, for soon you will be able to better understand the reasons for your feelings.

i hear the fog horns every night now, and every night i restrain from calling my mom. but why?
they say you shouldnt drink when your upset, but do you know why people do? because its ok. and its natural. and i think that is fine.
i dont believe in this, that, them and then. i believe in us and now.
somehow he comes out ahead?
songs dont get finished, lives dont get changed.
life isnt something you should try to figure out without living.


i really want to be done with this livejournal, so i think i am.
emails would be much appreciated though: missmousketeer@msn.com

was the last straw. OVERLOAD hit and i ended up with a completely restless nights sleep while amanda and kyle watched the X effect into the morning. id love to recap it for tomorrows posterity but, well, my pride wont have it+its just too much.

this all makes me pleased to start classes so i can focus my mind somewhere else. after my very short photo class, i came home to a house of sleepers and a few seconds of self pity before i watched Flav and opted to go to JAPANTOWN instead. Also, josh called which helped a lot, always so thoughtful to call at the perfect time with more laughter than i even deserve. "i bought a shirt from yosemite, it measures how many animals equal the weight of a bear, does that make you feel better?" thats all.






japantown is a magical wonderland. expedition lunar eclipse tomorrow.

i cant help it. today is a study day, tomorrow is my first photo 2 class and we are having a test. im never any good at the written exams so today will take lots of dedication. i hope at one point to get a fallafel because i crave it immensely. and i also want to see courtney, and finally meet andrew. im so happy for her, they seem so perfect. and she so deserves it, she is the type of person to have nothing but good karma stored up, i wish i could be more like her. but then again, right now i wish i could be more like myself.

i dont want to go tomorrow night at all! this feels like high school. i might as well be going to rockin java in the brand new dress i got from robs vintique and watching you, watch me, from the corner of my eye.


but oh how i do, and how i will, because deep down, i really want to see you. well, shit.

setting: amanda and i are walking along union square after leaving courtney at levis, i decide to get food below macys. amanda mentions a mod guy across the street. i look up and see, not only an attractive mod guy all amanda's style, but also a fab morretti dead-ringer in a suit jacket with him for me. we cross to their side and pass them. he smiles at me. i smile back, and as i look back for a super secret double take, they are both looking at us. suddenly synmia calls so i stop to answer it. they are looking, i wave? no it was good, they wave back. and stop? it turns out we have to walk back to levis (complicated story) so we just happen to have to walk past them. this is all so odd and lovely yet awkward. so they start talking to us... yet they are standoffish, dont invite us to the chinese dinner they are going to chinatown to get, and dont ask for our number. and then we part.

okay, thanks ray and bobby. you suck.


it will be just like that. i know it. i hate it.

i kissed a frenchman. it was like a movie. i was walking down the street, he was on a bicycle. "Bonjour" said he with a big silly grin, "bonjour" i said right back. he was cute with a fringe and perfect teeth, he was sweaty from dancing. "comment tu t'appelle?" "Olivier". et moi, je l'ai dit. he kissed my hand, he kissed my cheek, he kissed my mouth. and then he rode away.

and then i returned home to yet more silly silly heartbreak.


the things that happen to me in this silly silly city!